So after three days of fighting Fibro and CVS, I finally managed to completely clean my room and check it off my cleaning schedule! I am so happy! However, everything does have it’s price: I was up at 1 am for about 45 mins with weird muscle spasms/charlie horse/dead leg thing happening in my calves and I was up again at 3 am, getting sick because of my CVS (this is a reoccurring theme though). It was unpleasant, to say the least. But through all the pain and vacuuming, I learned more than I ever could imagine. You see, Proverbs 31:27 talks about the bread of Idleness and what I did not understand was that there is a difference between idleness and rest.
According to the dictionary Rest is defined
the refreshing quiet or repose of sleep:
a good night’s rest.
refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor:
to allow an hour for rest.
relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs.”
While Idleness is defined as:
the quality, state, or condition of being lazy, inactive, or idle:
His lack of interest in the larger world and his consummate idleness were the causes of their dreadful divorce.
not working or active; unemployed; doing nothing:
not spent or filled with activity:
not in use or operation; not kept busy:
habitually doing nothing or avoiding work; lazy.
of no real worth, importance, or significance:
having no basis or reason; baseless; groundless:
to pass time doing nothing.
to move, loiter, or saunter aimlessly:
to idle along the avenue.
(of a machine, engine, or mechanism) to operate at a low speed,disengaged from the load.
to pass (time) doing nothing (often followed by away):
to idle away the afternoon.
to cause (a person) to be idle:
The strike idled many workers.
to cause (a machine, engine, or mechanism) to idle:
I waited in the car while idling the engine.
the state or quality of being idle.
the state of a machine, engine, or mechanism that is idling:
a cold engine that stalls at idle.”
It was not until I read these definitions, did I understand that I was not being idle because I sat down to either prevent pain or because of pain. I also learned a definition of a new word as well:
I had finally realized that I had been incorporating this philosophy to my life and not even realizing it! So YAY ME! I also conquered my personal demons when applying this way of thinking to my daily life: I learned that I am more productive if I work WITHIN my Illness and not AROUND it. I am not a failure if I am sick and can’t do something right away! I am not being a good wife only if I do not adjust to my new normal. I am not being true to myself only if I continue to run around and get nothing done! So I want to say to everyone out there who is suffering from a chronic illness of any kind: God wants you to rest. If you do not, you cannot be the woman from Proverbs 31 He has called you to be. You must not only learn to rest but to accept that sometimes doing less is more.
Some More Scripture to help you in these times of struggle are:
In the night I search for you;
in the morning(Hebrew within me.) I earnestly seek you.
For only when you come to judge the earth
will people learn what is right.
Even in our pain if we earnestly seek the Lord, he will comfort us. We must always have faith in that.
But finally the earth is at rest and quiet.
Now it can sing again!
I also learned that when you do finally rest, you can do more! Essential-ism needs to be applied to life with Chronic Illness and God agrees. You are not less because you can’t do more. You are more because you do it with less.